Chocolate chip cookies and milk. Who doesn’t love this delicious delight!

You dip the cookie in milk, take a little nibble…”Delicious!” you exclaim with a giggle of delight.

You dip again, this time submerging the cookie just a second longer. “Even better!” you shout, a gleam of sheer pleasure sparkles across your eye.

You continue the ritual. Dip. Hold. Eat. Dip. Hold longer. Eat. Dip. Hold even longer. Eat.

With every dip you take, you require longer submersion, always wondering how long you can submerge the cookie to obtain maximum gratification without losing the whole cookie.

You uncontrollably plunge your cookie into the milk yet again, determined to soak it in the milk even longer. Your heart pounds. Your ‘bated breath mirrors the tension in your stomach. You soak. You hold it. Hold it. A little longer. A little longer. Your mind tells you to remove the cookie but you rebelliously plunge the cookie deeper into the milk. Finally you resurrect the cookie from its milky baptism…

KERPLUNK!

Your heart sinks. You held it too long. The cookie is lost in its milky grave forever. Your face now sullen, you realize what you’ve done. With each dip of the cookie you weakened it, saturating it, and now the cookie is gone. You dump the milk, and all that’s left of the cookie is barely recognizable mush.

Your life is the cookie. The world and its various allures are the milk.

The “milk” looks great and the thought of merging your life with whatever the particular allure is compelling.

“It sure looks fun.”

“It sure makes me happy.”

“It sure makes me feel good.”

“It sure is easier.”

So you dip and it is fun. You dip and it makes you happy. You dip and it does feel good. You dip and it is easy. So you dip again, longer this time. And you continue. You meddle with the world, trying this and that. Trying it for longer and longer. You know it’s not right. You know it’s not the best for you. But you do it anyway.

You continue in it, trying it for longer, taking it further, plunging deeper, not realizing that the core of your Christian self is being saturated with it. Your relationship with God weakens. Your conviction for your actions quiets. Suddenly, without warning.

KERPLUNK.

You’ve left everything that was dear to you behind. Your peace of mind. Your calling. Your faith. Truth. You’re lost and you know it, deep down on the inside you know it. Maybe no one else does. Maybe you are afraid to admit it, but you know it. And He knows it.

Won’t you come back?

I have a verse pinned up on my desk at work.

“Shall I bring to the point of birth and not give delivery?” – Isaiah 66:9

Do you ever have a mountain in your life you feel you just can’t quite get over? Is there a hurt you just can’t quite forgive? A sin you can’t quite conquer? A fear you just can’t quite rid yourself of? A relationship you long to restore but can’t? Do you ever wonder if things will ever change? Have you shed tears, tossed in your bed, wrestled with the knot in your stomach about these things?

I do. I have. I feel discouraged many times in my own life. Despite my own best efforts I fail in many ways. Despite time spent in prayer, many prayers remain unanswered or seemingly ignored.  It was in one of those times that I saw this verse in an email my father sent to me.

Will God bring our victory to the point of birth but not follow through? Will he tease us with promises of freedom and forgiveness only to never provide what He promises? Will he promise boldness but force us to walk in fear? Will He promise restoration only to neglect to act?

No. No, He will not. He is the God who delivers.  In fact, frequently in scripture He is referred to as “The Deliverer.” I think most of the time we think of “Deliverer” in the UPS or FedEx sense of the word.  We order a package from God (a prayer, a struggle, a fear) and think that He’ll be our personal Prayer Delivery Guy.  We order, The Deliverer delivers. No pain. No waiting. No struggle. We rush order our prayer and except the Deliverer to follow through as per our request. It’ll be there the next day, answered prayer waiting on our door step.

But what if Our Deliverer is not a Fed Ex guy but instead the Great Obstetrician. I’m not a woman and will never give birth, but I know it’s painful and I know it’s a process. From the point of conception to full delivery, it’s a difficult process – morning sickness, weight gain, cravings, which culminate in a painful process of final delivery.  You see, the struggles in your life – the fears, the hurts, the sins – are a process not an order. The Deliverer is an obstetrician not a Fed Ex guy. The Deliverer works us through a process starting with the conception of an idea, conviction.

“I need to change this sin.”

“I need to forgive that person.”

“I need to conquer fear and trust God.”

“I need to restore that relationship.”

“I need to pray for so and so.”

And, after much waiting, much suffering, much travail, much labor, The Great Obstetrician delivers. The most painful part of a pregnancy is the delivery. So it is in the spiritual realm. It is at the most painful, most difficult, most inexplicable circumstances that our delivery draws near. If it’s not hurting it’s not close to birth.

Are you hurting in your struggle, whatever it may be? Have you reached a point of painful desperation? Have you reached levels of excruciating spiritual desperation? That is how The Great Obstetrician delivers. In pain. In struggle. In desperation.

But within that pain, within that struggle, within that desperation is a promise. The Great Obstetrician delivers. Guaranteed. That is the great promise of it all. He delivers. No matter the pain, no matter the struggle, no matter the hopelessness. He will deliver.

So, for those who are discouraged, to those who are downtrodden, to those who are hopeless, to those who are desperate – lift up your eyes, The Deliverer draws near. Your struggle is coming to an end and delivery, along with the new life it brings, is close at hand.

Father, where is my joy. I feel like my joy has been replaced with a cloak of heaviness. I feel I drag through each day, rather than living each day in Your joy. I would say that I don’t know why this is, but I do. I do not trust You.

I hate having to say that but it’s true. If I truly trusted You, how different my days would look! Nothing could get me down, because I would know that You are in control. I think inside I realize that ultimately You are in control, but perhaps even deeper is a fear that perhaps you are not good, that You are not loving. 

I find it difficult to truly trust 100% of my life to You. Some part of me is still under the illusion that I must maintain some element of control. I say “maintain” as if I actually have control in the first place. This too is an illusion. For ultimately You are in control. How much more joy would I feel if I would recognize this truth. Of course, this truth is not soothing if I fail to recognize that You are good and You are loving. 

Again, I am back to this point. Are You a good God?  Are You a God who loves me and desires the best for me? 

I do believe these things, but I am also acutely aware that Your concepts of Good and Love are far deeper than mine. For You view Good in the light of eternity, and what is Good in an eternal perspective is often seemingly terrible from an earthly perspective. What is Good eternally, is often exceedingly painful in this brief moment I spend on earth. 

This is going to sound crazy, but it is because I recognize that You desire ever closer fellowship with me that I have a hard time trusting You. I fear that ever closer fellowship with You will come at the price of difficulty on this present earth.

And now as I type this the realization of the craziness of that statement hits me. I desire an easy life more than I desire fellowship with You. I desire carnal comfort over spiritual intimacy. 

My prayer should be, “Lord, whatever You desire, just let me grow closer to You.” That is what trusting You is. I have only wished to trust You on the condition that You are good to me, from an earthly perspective. But true trust stems from a heartfelt desire to know You intimately. To make closer fellowship with You the purpose of our lives. My purpose is not missions. My purpose is not to do something great for You. My purpose is to know You more today than I did yesterday, and more the following day than the day before. Wherever that leads me in this life is insignificant. 

This is trust.

“The Lord your God will drive out these nations before you, little by little.”

This was right before God gets ready to lead the Israelites into the Promised Land. For about 40 years the Israelites had wandered in the wilderness. They were in a dry place, wandering with very little purpose. But one day, God called the Israelites out of their wandering and into their calling. He told them to head towards their promised place. A place of blessing, fulfillment, completion.

The only problem was that there was adversity in front of them. The land was occupied by fierce people, giants, men of great power.

I think the Israelites’ preference would have been for God to drive out everyone before they even got there. I know that’s what I would prefer. That would be safer. No battle needed, no pain, no sorrow, no action necessary. How much scarier for God to tell them “little by little.”

“Little by little” is scary. It holds the probability of pain. It requires that you face your fears head on. Battle by battle. Day by day. One step at a time. Little by little requires faith. Dedication. Trust. It requires facing difficulty daily and choosing to fight.

But little by little builds character. And the victory of little by little is oh so sweet and final. Little by little is thorough. It is decisive. It leaves no stone unturned. It results in complete regime change.

We live in a quick fix society. We want our food heated up in the microwave. We want fast food. We want quick fixes. We are a society that lacks dedication and drive. We want our struggles with sin ended in a moment of glorious freedom, we want our emotional pain to just “go away,” we want our finances fixed in the blink of an eye. We want the quick fix but God is saying I want to drive out your giants little by little, step by step.

It’s taking the first step. It’s fighting the first battle. It’s confronting your fears. It’s getting up each time you are knocked down. It is looking your personal giants square in the eyes and challenging them to battle.

We all know the old quote, “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” What we didn’t realize is that it is biblical. How do you defeat your giants? How do you get past the pain? How do you become who God wants you to be? Little by little. Just remember, it is God who fights with you. God was with the Israelites, but they had to engage the enemy 1st. So to will he be with you. But you have to engage those things you have cowered from for far too long.

Lord, help me to live little by little. Instill in me patience. Drive. Dedication. Zeal. Little by little requires a relentless heart. Father, make me relentless.

2008 was a good year for me. One of the best in quite some time. I saw more personal spiritual growth than any year I can remember. I finally got into the habit of spending some time with God every morning, something I had been “trying” to do for years and years. I struggled through some very difficult, dry times spiritually. Things aren’t perfect now but I’m still here and my resolve to serve God is still strong. 2008 saw the roller coaster that had been my spiritual life even out and my growth has been steady. It’s been a hard year for me, lots of doubt, lots of stress and worry, but the good news is God has been with me and I know I am stronger because of it. My life in 2008 was like a tree in winter. All the leaves are gone, it looks dead, but it’s really just holding steady waiting for the Spring. In the winter we see the tree’s true strength. We see the limbs and branches, the foundation from which the leaves and fruit depend. That’s been my year. I’ve learned a lot about my foundation.

2009? I’m not sure what it will bring. My main goal is to pay off my student loans from college. After that I look forward to stepping into overseas missions in 2010 hopefully. My prayer for 2009 is that God would make me stronger. That the doubts I have been battling would give way to a faith that is tested and proven strong. That I would look back on 2009 and know that I am closer to God on December 31,2009 than I am today, January 1st.

Father, I pray that 2009 would be the year of faith. That my faith in you would overcome my doubts. I pray that I would learn to trust You with the entirety of my life. I pray for growth in my relationships – with You, with Abby, with family, and with friends. I pray that 2009 would be the year of victory over negative mindsets and attitudes. I ask that You work in my life. May my mind think on whatever is pure and holy. May my eyes see circumstances as You see them. May my ears be able to hear Your voice and Your promises over the chatter of the world. May my mouth speak Your words, words that uplift and build up rather than tear down and destroy. May my heart be set upon You, may my motives be righteous and true. May my hands be used to heal and not hurt, may they be used as instruments of Your love. May my feet follow Your paths and be kept from bad situations and cirumstances. May I grow closer to You every day. Pick me up with I fall down. Walk with me this year, Father.

“If God has had his way with you, your message as His servant is merciless insistence on the one line, cut down to the very root, otherwise there will be no healing. Drive home the message until there is no possible refuge from its application. Begin to get at people where they are until you get them to realize what they lack, and then erect the standard of Jesus Christ for their lives -”We never can be that.” Then drive it home -”Christ says that you must.” “But how can we be?” “You can not unless you have a new spirit.” (Luke 11:13)

There must be a sense of need before your message is of any use. Thousands of people are happy without God in this world. If I was happy and moral before Jesus came, why did He come? Because that kind of happiness and peace is on a wrong level; Jesus Christ came to send a sword through every peace that is not based on a personal relationship to Himself.

*****************

I love those paragraphs. Paul says that all he preached was “Christ crucified.” My fear is that many churches stray too far from the message that Paul preached. God is love and God demands that we love our neighbors and help those in need. But let us never forget that the message of the cross demands a changed heart. God demands that we strive to live holy lives. God is not afraid to call sin, sin, and neither should we be. Not in the condescending way of the street preachers but in a manner that speaks the truth while demonstrating the love with which Christ gave his own life for us.

I am so thankful that God has given me a chance to be a part of a church that preaches the true Gospel. That doesn’t shy away from the Truth but doesn’t forget the poor and needy. 

Father, let us never never become unbalanced. Let us never preach so much love that we neglect Holiness and Righteousness. But let us never preach so much holiness and righteousness that we neglect love. Give us compassion for those who are poor and hurting in the physical realm, but also give us compassion for those who are poor and hurting in the spiritual realm. Help us paint an accurate picture of who You are.

¹Now Ahab told Jezebel all that Elijah had done, and ^(A)how he had killed all the prophets with the sword.

   ²Then Jezebel sent a messenger to Elijah, saying, “^(B)So may the gods do to me and even more, if I do not make your ^[a]life as the life of one of them by tomorrow about this time.”

   ³And he was afraid and arose and ran for his ^[b]life and came to ^(C)Beersheba, which belongs to Judah, and left his servant there.

   ⁴But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness, and came and sat down under a juniper tree; and ^(D)he requested for himself that he might die, and said, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take my ^[c]life, for I am not better than my fathers.”

   ⁵He lay down and slept under a juniper tree; and behold, there was ^(E)an angel touching him, and he said to him, “Arise, eat.”

   ⁶Then he looked and behold, there was at his head a bread cake baked on hot stones, and a jar of water. So he ate and drank and lay down again.

   ⁷The angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise, eat, because the journey is too great for you.”

   ⁸So he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food ^(F)forty days and forty nights to ^(G)Horeb, the mountain of God.

I love this whole chapter but these 1st 8 verses really stood out to me, particularly because the past 9-10 months for me have been very difficult spiritually. Elijah, somehow, after his greatest victory, after seeing the truth and power of God, is threatened by Jezebel and flees (vs 3). It says he went into the wilderness and says “It is enough; now, Oh Lord, take away my life.” How many times in the last months of my life have I just said, “God, that’s enough. It’s enough struggle, it’s enough doubt, it’s enough. I’m finished.” It’s good to know I’m not the only one who has felt that way.

So here Elijah is in the middle of desert, given up, asking God to let him die. As he lays down to sleep and angel comes to him and wakes him up, saying “arise and eat.” So Elijah’s surprise there is food and drink next to him. So he eat’s, drinks, and goes back to sleep. Again the angel comes to him and says “Arise, eat, for the journey is too great for you. Then Elijah, ate, drank and had the strength to travel 40 days through the wilderness.

Many times we find ourselves lost in a spiritual wilderness. We have no strength, we want to give up. “It’s enough!” we say to God. And as we lay down, ready to give up God is speaking to us saying “Arise, eat of my Word, drink of my Presence.” We may get up, read our Bible, pray, then look around and see that we are still in our current circumstance. Disgruntled, we go back to sleep. God comes again, nudges us and says “Arise! Eat of my Word, drink of my Presence. The journey is too much.”

Our Christian journey’s are too much for us. Our will is too weak. Our flesh too strong for us. Everywhere we look the enemy seems to be victorious. Our minds race with doubts, our silent wonderings become impossible to tune out. God recognizes this and wants us to know that he doesn’t expect us to go in our own strength. The only way to make it through this wilderness is to eat and drink of Him. To go in His strength. To walk with Him as our source.

17:18 “Now Eliab his eldest brother heard when he spoke to the men. And Eliab’s anger was kindled against David, and he said “Why have you come down? And with whom have you left the few sheep in the wilderness? I know your presumption and the evil of your heart, for you have come down to see the battle.”

Samuel saw Eliab in the 1st excerpt and thought that surely he would be God’s choice for the next king of Israel. On the surface, he appeared to have it all together. God tells Samuel that Eliab is not his choice, telling Samuel that although man judges based on appearances, God sees people’s hearts. Later on in chapter 17 Eliab again enters the picture, chastising David for his eagerness to go fight, questioning David’s heart and his motives.

While I’m sure I often judge others based on their appearance, my thoughts today go to myself. How often do I judge myself based on how I perceive myself? I remember past mistakes and regrets and feel like a failure. I look at current accomplishments and deem myself a success. The value I attribute myself is always linked to a performance metric of some sort or another. But God doesn’t see that. He doesn’t see my failure of yesterday (or even today) nor does he see my past or present success. He sees my heart. My heart burns for Him, it longs for deeper fellowship with Him. My heart pursues Him.

My prayer is that I would see myself as Christ sees me. Not through the filter of the world, not through the filter of condemnation and not through the filter of pride. Let me see myself from God’s point of view. Let Him expose the areas that need change and spur my relationship with Him to greater heights..

For the sake of space I won’t type the entire story. If you want to read it turn your Bible to 1 Samuel 17.  In the story we see the Israelites are called out to battle their arch-rivals, the Philistines. Camped at opposite sides of a valley, each army is prepared to fight. Verse 4 says “And there came out from the camp of the Philistines a champion named Goliath of Gath, whose height was 6 cubits and a span (about 9 ft).” Skip to verse 10, “And the Philistine said, ‘I defy the ranks of Israel this day. Give me a man, that we may fight together.’ When Saul and all Israel heard these words of the Philistine, they were dismayed and greatly afraid.”

This is the first part that jumped out at me. I believe our current times draw a parallel to this story. The body of Christ is Israel and the Philistines represent the unsaved and Goliath is the Enemy himself. In this story Goliath is the pride and hope of the Philistines. In him they place all of their faith. He is strong, his armor weighs over 100 lbs, his spearhead ways 15 lbs. He is invincible. The world is standing with all of their faith placed on their “Goliaths.” Their hope is in pleasure, fueld by psychologists who tell them “it’s all about YOU! Do what makes YOU happy.” Their hope is in riches, thinking that more money will supply more happiness. Their hope is in relativism. Everything is relative, there is no absolute truth. Such an attitude leads to moral states we see running rampant today. There Goliaths are speaking, yelling their viewpoints, making their opinion known. Just look at Goliath in the story. It says that EVERY DAY he would go out and defy the armies of Israel. Everyday he would mock their God. And what did they do? Verse 24 says “All the men of Israel, when they saw the man, fled from him and were much afraid.” Unfortunately our response today has not changed from that of the Israelites thousands of years ago. Satan taunts the church, dares the church to act and yet we flee in fear. We allow the agenda of the enemy to rule our nation and overcome the hearts and minds of those who are lost. We flee from taking strong stands against moral relativism. We fear offending someone so we lock the truth up in our hearts. We sit and watch as they make a mockery of Jesus Christ. The enemy is making his stand known and we refuse to utter one word of protest.

Luckily for Israel, in walks David. Merely a shepherd he enters the scene and sees Goliath taunting the armies of Israel. Verse 26 is David talking, he says “Who is this uncircumcised Philistine, that he should defy the armies of the living God?” David walked into the same circumstance as every Israelite warrior but he did not tremble in fear. If only we all had the boldness of David, to see the state of our friends, the state of our city and country, the state of the world in the correct light. God has chosen to use the church as his instrument to change the world, but no one changes the world lying down. To make a difference we must stand up, stand firm, and fight back. We have been fleeing the issues of our time for long enough. It’s time to make a definite, loud stand.

As soon as David makes his stand, attempted discouragement comes in. His brother comes to him and angrily accuses him of coming just to “watch the battle.” His brother questions David’s motive. So many times when we make a stand, someone will come in and say, “Look at you, who do you think you are? Making a stand? You just think you’re better than me and want everyone to follow your beliefes.” David responds correctly and simply turns away and continues with his plan to fight. David didn’t stop to question his own heart, he knew his heart was right and he moved on towards his purpose.

We all know the rest of this story. There is some more I got out of it but I won’t go into all those details. But David goes out and faces the Goliath and strikes him down. He exposes the “unshakeable” giant for what he was – merely human. God is asking the church today, “where are My Davids? Where are those who will strike the giants of the enemy down for me? Where are those who will stand and fight?” Will I stand and fight? Will I engage in prayer? Will I speak of for righteousness? Will I represent Christ and represent truth?

Ok, this is really long and I hope I didn’t lose you. Hopefully you understand what I’m getting at!

It’s a question I found myself asking a lot lately. I’ve been going through a time of doubt and  dryness and I’d often find myself saying, “What if all this Christianity stuff is not true. What if it’s not real?” The implications are huge. If Christianity is not true then there are a lot of good, well-meaning people living for a lie. If it’s not true then I’m a fool for abstaining from living however I please. If there was no God then why do I work so hard at trying to do the “right” thing. Why would I care what the right thing is? If Christianity is not true then life has no point. If Christianity is not true, then why am I here? Who made me? Am I really an act of random chance? Am I a mere accident that happened despite mind-boggling odds? And if life arose, unprompted, from a primordial sea of gas, or through any other medium, who created that matter in the first place?  The list of questions that remain unanswered never ends.. Who am I? Why am I here? Who made me? Why? If Christianity is not true…I have no answer.

But out of this arises another question. What if Christianity is true? What if there really is a loving God who, for reasons I can not completely understand, decided to create all of this – decided to create me? What if this God wants nothing more than to have relationship and fellowship with me and with us? What if this God became flesh solely to bridge the gap we created between us and Him? God as flesh? I don’t understand it but…what if? What if my life, your life, their lives, have purpose? What if this life is a mere dress rehearsal for eternity with God?

If Christianity is true (and I believe it is!) then the implications are enormous. If it’s true your life has purpose, to know God and make Him known. If it’s true then the best is yet to come. If it’s true then there is a real REASON to live, a REASON to breathe. If it’s true then there is hope for those of us in bondage to addictions and negative lifestyles. If it’s true there is hope for the person dying of cancer. If it’s true there is hope for the aids orphan in Africa. If it’s true we have a responsibility – share it with those who are unaware of this truth.

Can I ever prove mathematically or physically that God is who the Bible claims He is? Can I ever prove the origin of everything? Can I prove what happens after death? Can I prove that Christianity is true and leave NO room for doubt? No. Of course, nor can you disprove it.

You may sit there and read this and scoff and say, “It’s too unlikely. If I can’t understand it and put it on paper then it can’t be true.”

I will not argue with you nor will I condemn you. I will ask you one thing and one thing only. You say what if it’s not true, I say what if it is…